I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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