I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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