Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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