the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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