I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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