arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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