i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
