if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
