i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
