its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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