After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
