this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
