They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
