already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
