he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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