And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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