I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
