everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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