Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
