I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
