so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
