u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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