what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
