I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
