planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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