I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
