it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
