why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
