Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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