I need help removing her.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
