his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
