He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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