Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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