I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
