my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
