he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
