just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
