I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
