Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
