gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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