you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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