i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
