i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
