Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
