Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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