I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
