my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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