I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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