Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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