put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
