i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
