Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
