if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
