so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
