I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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