great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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