Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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